Question:
Why is golf called "golf"?
Answer:
Because all the other four letter words were taken.
Submitted by Al Demerse of Pickens.
Tiger Woods is attending a charity dinner and is seated next to Stevie Wonder. They get chatting and eventually the conversation turns to golf and Tiger recent perfomances.
After hearing some of Stevie's comments and advice Tiger pointedly asks "Oh, you play do you?" To which Stevie replies " Actually, I do",
"Oh", says Tiger amused, "How do you manage that?"
"Well", says Stevie, "My caddy just stands down the faiway in line with the flag and calls out 'This way sir', and I just hit the ball towards his voice"
"Wow", says Tiger, disbelieving, "So, how do you putt?"
"Same thing," says Stevie, "My caddy stands on the other side of the hole and calls out,'over here Stevie, 8 yards' and I just putt to his voice".
"Wow" says Tiger, getting interested, "So, whats your handicap? If you don't mind me asking?"
"Oh" says Stevie, "I play for scratch".
"Wow!" Says Tiger, stunned, "Fancy a game sometime this week? Say, $10,000 a hole?"
"Sure" says Stevie casually, "Sounds like fun!"
"Great!" says Tiger, "What time suits you?"
"Oh" replies Stevie deadpan, "Any night'll do!"
Submitted by Matt Dell
John and his wife went golfing every week together to their favorite course. One day on the 7th hole John's ball landed behind a barn. He was going to take an unplayable lie penalty stroke, but his wife said that if he opened up the front and back doors of the barn he could play through the barn.
As John was lining up his shot his wife went to the back of the barn to hold the door open. John stroked the ball and it hit his wife in the head killing her instantly. After that day John swore he would never play golf again.
A couple of year later some guys from work was trying to get him to play golf again. After months of being hounded he gave in and agreed to play a round. They took him to the same course he used to play with his wife. And on the 7th hole his drive put him behind the barn again.
John was about to take an unplayable lie penalty, when one of the guys suggested to open up the barn doors and play through it.
John said "No way! The last time I played that shot I got a nine.
Submitted by Chris Reyes
The golfer is in Africa and decides to have a game. The pro says Ok but he has to take one of their caddies.
As they are getting ready the golfer notices the caddy put a rifle in the bag and asks what it is for. The caddy replies"Just a precaution sir".
Halfway down the second a lion comes racing out of the bushes,the caddy gets the rifle and shoots the lion dead. When the golfer asks what happended the caddy replies" Don't worry it's just a precaution sir".
They are on the 8th when a rhinocerous charges at the golfer and the caddy quickly shoots it dead. Again the same comments are made by the caddy as he casually puts the rifle back in the bag.
Finally on the 14th the golfer is putting out when a crocodile latches on to his leg and starts dragging him away. Quick as a flash he yells out to the caddy to grab the riflr and shoot the crocodile dead.
The caddy replies calmly " I'm sorry sir, you don't get a shot on this hole"
Submitted by Greg Barker
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